Neuroism of the 4th

No fireworks here, just a neuroism on one of my not-meant-to-be neuro-ite blogs.

If you're curious enough to click on the blog title (it links to the blog post as noted), you'll also see where my interest has remained. Actually, it's a blog I started during my the last class I completed of my MFA before Transverse Myelitis Lightening shot that degree out of the (current) ball park.


It might be your last chance to see my previous blog wizardry (choke on water, need speech therapy kind of wink wink), because I'm thinking of shutting down that blog for good.


In case you forgot what this post was about by now (that would be me), here's the link:
http://melanie-miller.blogspot.com/2011/07/quote-of-day-jdmpapgaf.html

Ketamine Cam: Day 5, Friday, May 6, 2010

I almost typed that it was 2015, not a wall street bubblegum thumb-o just a mel-o-neuro...but alas, I almost lucid enough to catch my own bottom breaking catastrophes, or at least i have the doctors who can point me in the right direction.

Todays' cam includes a mom cameo and no unintentional videotaping screw-ups, so sit back, relax, take an ativan if your doc prescribes and enjoy the ride...

Ketamine Cam: Day 4, Thursday, May 6, 2010

Yet again...only this time it is a video biopic a monther doesn't love....



except she doesn't have to worry about it, because cuckoo mel messed up again. Let's hope tomorrow is better. The jist of the video per mama mel's memory (since mine is rendereded useless x2) is:

1. i'm soooooooooooo thrilled to have my mother here
2. all you gimpee mamas and gimplessee mamas better take heed from my mama and clean your adult child's apartment and help them take care of the 3 full-time jobs of being a professional sicko
3. and ooooooh don't you wish you were me....or at least me on my newest treatment lalalaland IV Ketamine

Ketamine Cam: A Video Biopic Only a Mother Could Love

IV Ketamine for RSD aka CRPS

Ketamine Cam: A Video Biopic Only a Mother Could Love

PS Find Cinnamon Cures!!!!

Of all "things"...

Some not-so-stupid but karma-vapid idiot has apparently stolen my identity! And charged thousands onto a debit card (which gratefully, thanks to PNC bank, I am not responsible for) in my honor.


I just found this so ridiculously ironic, I had to share because:

a) I don't have much of an identity to steal, (considering I'm still finding myself in my new Transverse Myeltis (TM) world),
b) I have no income,
c) I'm waiting for disability benefits to kick in,
d) I have a neuro disorder that = shit-life-with-unknown-prognosis,
e) I hope to remember this incident because it makes me laugh (even tho it's one more identity I have to fight for), and
f) Who else would find identity theft funny but me, and
g) Laughter is contagious, so I hope your getting a good laugh too.


So, here's a toast to to stolen identity, because perhaps this thief will steal all of me and normalcy (as much as normal I can muster on a normal day) will return sooner than expected.


PS Please no toast expectations until this weekend. My 2nd round of home-bound IVIg begins tomorrow morning, and toast-time will be limited for the next 5 days; gotta keep the system clean and prepped...as ordered. Rules stink, don't they?

Cognitive Goofball: Anecdotes from the Underbelly of TM

NOTE: Some names have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent.


SETTING
Neurologists Practice's Packed, Dining-Hall-Sized Waiting Room in Downtown Medical High-rise
(Imagine lunchtime at the only senior center in town.)

CHARACTERS

Front Desk Nurse (FDN): Middle-aged African-American woman dressed in pastel scrubs, with a hard here's-the-deal-so-deal-with-it personality that permeates all office tasks. It's unclear to anyone in the waiting room what her "job" is, but she is always "busy."

Melanie (Mel): Vision, memory, and walking-impaired, full-body spasming, cane-toting 33-year-old neuro patient with rare disorder. Always late due to what-did-I-forget-repeat-as-she-leaves-her-apartment-syndrome, she is anxious for "answers" during her first follow-up with her (love-hate-love relationship of a) genius doctor.

Other patient: Tall guy. Mid-forties. Button-down shirt.

Extras: About 35 neuro patients, family members, and spouses, mostly in their late forties to eighties.

*****************************


BEGIN SCENE


FDN
(standing behind front desk; booming, agitated voice)
Who signed themselves in as Dr. Schwartzmanderin to see Dr. Schwartzmanderin?


ACTION:
All eyes go to FDN. Waiting room extras look for the idiot culprit. MEL, knowing she had just signed in to see Dr. Schwartzmanderin after OTHER PATIENT, shouts back across the room while looking toward Other Patient who seems smugly non-neuro.


MEL
Do you have Melanie Miller on the list?


FDN
(looking at her clipboard)
No.


MEL
(looking straight at FDN, with complete facetiousness, while laughing)
Thanks for announcing my cognitive issues to the entire waiting room.


ACTION:
MEL looks to extras for ha-ha camaraderie. No go.


FDN
You need to come up here and fix your name.


ACTION:
MEL picks up her cane, pushes herself up from her comfy office chair and limps 15 feet to front desk. She looks for the cognitive faux pas, crosses out Dr. Schwartzmanderin's (under patient name column only) and writes in her own above his, walks back to her seat, and drops into the chair. She sets down her cane, which falls to the floor, as usual.


FDN
Melanie Miller


MEL
(picking up her fallen cane)
Yes?


FDN
You can come back now.


END SCENE